Akechi-san. I don't believe for one minute that you don't want to try, or that you are tired of trying. You're scared to try. And that's okay.
[Even if she has the most reason to hate him, the potential to have the most foul opinion of him. It just isn't in her nature to just give up on someone so openly hurting.]
I could be right, I could be wrong. But whether something makes a difference is up to you.
Does being like this help you feel any better? Does putting forth all this effort to push us out of your life make you feel like things will improve, or do you see it as a means to an end? Don't give up. It seems like that would be unlike you.
[She's got him to this point, vulnerable through text. It takes her a long time to respond.
Just when he thinks that Haru may leave him alone.]
And what will it help if you die again? Let me answer before you do, nothing. Don't make yourself die a senseless death when you have the ability to continue on.
I'm not asking you to change your mind or accept these fact overnight. I know how hard it is to open up. I know what it's like to be alone for your entire life. So don't think I have no understanding of your situation.
My life was a never ending spiral of people talking about me behind my back, and scrambling to do anything that I could to please my Father. In the end, Akechi-san. My Father had to die so that you could please yours. It really is twisted how that worked out, isn't it?
[Haru feels her chest tighten as she types. Never before has she been so vulnerable in return.]
[Haru has this sinking feeling that even if Akechi hadn't killed her father, and if they had been able to convince Akechi to join them sooner. Well. She doesn't think for a moment that Shido wouldn't have finished her Father off himself.
But that's just a fantasy, the reality has already been dealt.]
Ha! And what else? I could have trusted you? A group of strangers who hated me so much I had to blackmail my way into their team? Your little group of teenagers was going to protect me from Shido? That was a leash I wore since I was 15, Okumura. I lived my life knowing he could strangle me with it any time he wanted to.
I'm not proud of the way we handled things. I'm sorry that we didn't think to protect you from the real evil of that situation!
[Haru, even when she is trying to make a point is soft-hearted to a fault. She knows what is done is done. But she regrets that there are things in that situation that can't be changed.]
Even if we don't see eye to eye, and we probably never will. You never deserved the hand you were dealt.
Do what you have to. But try not to fall in with the wrong people.
[Haru didn't realize it until a few moments after looking away from her communicator that her eyelashes were wet. Why, why did Akechi Goro's words have this effect on her?
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[Calling him the fuck out.]
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You all seem to think that I was shutting people out from the day I was born.
Like I've never tried to live any other way.
I've tried. I'm tired of trying.
There isn't anything that works out in the end. Not for me, at least.
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You're scared to try.
And that's okay.
[Even if she has the most reason to hate him, the potential to have the most foul opinion of him. It just isn't in her nature to just give up on someone so openly hurting.]
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Think what you want.
It doesn't make a difference.
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But whether something makes a difference is up to you.
Does being like this help you feel any better?
Does putting forth all this effort to push us out of your life make you feel like things will improve, or do you see it as a means to an end?
Don't give up. It seems like that would be unlike you.
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What life do I even have to exclude you from?
I barely had one even before I died.
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You have a life, you are alive, live.
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[ ah. that's the first time he's said it so plainly. ]
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Just when he thinks that Haru may leave him alone.]
And what will it help if you die again?
Let me answer before you do, nothing. Don't make yourself die a senseless death when you have the ability to continue on.
I'm not asking you to change your mind or accept these fact overnight. I know how hard it is to open up. I know what it's like to be alone for your entire life. So don't think I have no understanding of your situation.
My life was a never ending spiral of people talking about me behind my back, and scrambling to do anything that I could to please my Father. In the end, Akechi-san. My Father had to die so that you could please yours. It really is twisted how that worked out, isn't it?
[Haru feels her chest tighten as she types. Never before has she been so vulnerable in return.]
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It might have been better that way, don't you think?
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Those were the only two paths.
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[Haru has this sinking feeling that even if Akechi hadn't killed her father, and if they had been able to convince Akechi to join them sooner. Well. She doesn't think for a moment that Shido wouldn't have finished her Father off himself.
But that's just a fantasy, the reality has already been dealt.]
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And what else? I could have trusted you?
A group of strangers who hated me so much I had to blackmail my way into their team?
Your little group of teenagers was going to protect me from Shido?
That was a leash I wore since I was 15, Okumura.
I lived my life knowing he could strangle me with it any time he wanted to.
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I'm sorry that we didn't think to protect you from the real evil of that situation!
[Haru, even when she is trying to make a point is soft-hearted to a fault. She knows what is done is done. But she regrets that there are things in that situation that can't be changed.]
Even if we don't see eye to eye, and we probably never will. You never deserved the hand you were dealt.
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[ he can't stand it. it would mean that he was a victim too. ]
I made my choices. I knew what I was doing.
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[A bold statement, but, Haru is tired of being silent on how she feels. She's so tired of always keeping her thoughts to herself.]
Are you going to distance yourself?
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It may surprise you to learn that I didn't plan this far ahead.
I will do whatever I have to.
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[Haru didn't realize it until a few moments after looking away from her communicator that her eyelashes were wet. Why, why did Akechi Goro's words have this effect on her?
She doesn't understand that part of him.]