[ Honestly? That may be the worst part about it. Not the fact that it came out, though Ren can't say with confidence that he wasn't planning on keeping mum about it until a better time that may not have come, but that Ren was already a mess by the time Ryuji cornered him and Ren felt too shitty about avoiding him to back out gracelessly.
Ren feels the tears slow, breathing unevenly but breathing nonetheless into Haru's shoulder. He tries concentrating on the feel of her fingers of the tense muscles lining his neck, focusing on the minutiae of the movement so that he doesn't have brain power to spare for more grief. ]
Thanks, Haru. I, um -
[ He doesn't go too far when he draws away finally, getting enough room to paw at his already rubbed raw eyes, a broken sort of laugh tumbling out. ]
This is really embarrassing, sorry. I didn't ask if you're doing okay, um. Did you sleep enough?
[Haru frankly doesn't let him get too far away, rubbing the nap of his neck until she feels satisfied that he has loosened up. She has her concerns for this situation. She has her concerns for a lot right now.
She doesn't really want to talk about herself either, but she will for Ren's sake. Just so he won't worry too much.]
Please, do not apologize.
[She takes a breath.]
I'm fine, I slept for a little while. Makoto-chan did too.
[They slept close to each other, after someone moved her from the floor to her room.]
[ Really Ren isn't too bothered about that. As a person he doesn't gravitate toward extremes; the fact that Ren's first choices right now are to hold tightly to Haru or be completely alone are not good signs.
This is nice. Touch is nice and Ren isn't as starved for it as he suspects a few of his friends are but it's an antidote he needs just now. ]
You know I'm going to...
I haven't seen Makoto at all. I'm... I'm glad you weren't alone.
Haru?
[ A memory comes to him slowly - the vast and lavishly furnished living room of her home.
He saw us as very good friends.
O-Oh..Well.. that's good I suppose.. Um.. I have to go study for the finals that are coming up.. I'll see you later.
It's so much clearer now that he's experienced the same. ]
[Truthfully, she would much rather Ren come to her than be alone. So she is proud of him for that much.
She frowns a little.]
She disappeared just a few days ago, I haven't...seen her. I am frankly afraid of what this means.
[She doesn't want to think about it, if anything...please let Makoto be the one to make it home and tell everyone else that they are okay.]
Hmm? Back...then?
[Haru thinks about that moment exactly the same as Ren does, she sighs. To be rejected so thoroughly, but ever so kindly. How could she ever hold a grudge?]
Of course you did. But I was able to mend on my own time, and I didn't lose you as a friend. So that was all that mattered to me in the end.
It means... maybe we should be hopeful. If there's a way home I want us to find it, even if it means we're a little lonelier for it here.
[ Unwilling to move otherwise, Ren's eyebrows furrow again and he reaches the short distance across her lap to take her free hand, fingers running warmly over her delicate wrist, knuckles, linking together after. Some small comfort he hopes to return for what she's giving him as well as apology for a wound that's longer in the past for him than it is for her. ]
M'sorry. I sorta had an idea that that might've been what was happening, but I didn't want to...
Wow, I didn't think it'd suck this much.
[ The sniff that follows is the kind that definitely comes after the worst has passed, clearing out as best he can while the sinus pressure pushes up into his forehead. Fucking awful, gross, cleansing. ]
Is that what I should do now? It worked out pretty well for you - I mean, I'm open to suggestions, but I don't know how to stop... feeling like this. For him.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2018-07-23 04:39 am (UTC)Ren feels the tears slow, breathing unevenly but breathing nonetheless into Haru's shoulder. He tries concentrating on the feel of her fingers of the tense muscles lining his neck, focusing on the minutiae of the movement so that he doesn't have brain power to spare for more grief. ]
Thanks, Haru. I, um -
[ He doesn't go too far when he draws away finally, getting enough room to paw at his already rubbed raw eyes, a broken sort of laugh tumbling out. ]
This is really embarrassing, sorry. I didn't ask if you're doing okay, um. Did you sleep enough?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-26 06:07 am (UTC)She doesn't really want to talk about herself either, but she will for Ren's sake. Just so he won't worry too much.]
Please, do not apologize.
[She takes a breath.]
I'm fine, I slept for a little while. Makoto-chan did too.
[They slept close to each other, after someone moved her from the floor to her room.]
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 03:21 am (UTC)This is nice. Touch is nice and Ren isn't as starved for it as he suspects a few of his friends are but it's an antidote he needs just now. ]
You know I'm going to...
I haven't seen Makoto at all. I'm... I'm glad you weren't alone.
Haru?
[ A memory comes to him slowly - the vast and lavishly furnished living room of her home.
He saw us as very good friends.
O-Oh..Well.. that's good I suppose.. Um.. I have to go study for the finals that are coming up.. I'll see you later.
It's so much clearer now that he's experienced the same. ]
Did I hurt you? Back then?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-28 04:55 pm (UTC)She frowns a little.]
She disappeared just a few days ago, I haven't...seen her. I am frankly afraid of what this means.
[She doesn't want to think about it, if anything...please let Makoto be the one to make it home and tell everyone else that they are okay.]
Hmm? Back...then?
[Haru thinks about that moment exactly the same as Ren does, she sighs. To be rejected so thoroughly, but ever so kindly. How could she ever hold a grudge?]
Of course you did. But I was able to mend on my own time, and I didn't lose you as a friend. So that was all that mattered to me in the end.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-29 04:53 am (UTC)[ Unwilling to move otherwise, Ren's eyebrows furrow again and he reaches the short distance across her lap to take her free hand, fingers running warmly over her delicate wrist, knuckles, linking together after. Some small comfort he hopes to return for what she's giving him as well as apology for a wound that's longer in the past for him than it is for her. ]
M'sorry. I sorta had an idea that that might've been what was happening, but I didn't want to...
Wow, I didn't think it'd suck this much.
[ The sniff that follows is the kind that definitely comes after the worst has passed, clearing out as best he can while the sinus pressure pushes up into his forehead. Fucking awful, gross, cleansing. ]
Is that what I should do now? It worked out pretty well for you - I mean, I'm open to suggestions, but I don't know how to stop... feeling like this. For him.