I don't want you to distance yourself, but... knowing the truth does make it a little harder. Do you have plans to continue this lifestyle? Do you want to change? Those are questions I have and I don't want you to give me lip service.
Wouldn't that be better, though? For everyone involved. I don't want to cause you any more trouble, Haru-san.
[ Everyone's been really good to him and as much as he'd like to stay friends...it's just selfish. Assassin's wishes do not matter in the first place. Well, they shouldn't matter. ]
It's been quite some time since I've done it, to be quite honest. First and foremost, I am a captain and a secretary. But I have to admit that shortly before coming here...I was considering...no, I made my mind to kill someone.
[ Perhaps he should add that it was to protect someone else, but Hibiki doesn't want to give excuses. That's not the point. Also, that's not the answer to Haru's question. ]
Do you really think that someone like me can change? Even if I want it...?
[Well, she is proud of him for not giving her lip service. But she isn't happy that he just continues to go backwards. Withdrawing from the situation won't do him any good.]
How badly do you want it? Enough to forget you ever wanted to kill someone? Enough to make an actual attempt to change?
[She is willing to give Hibiki another chance if he can just move forward. Help to make her feel better about this decision in general.]
The way I am now...I don't think I'd be able to kill that person. [ This isn't about his abilities, though. Hibiki takes a deep sigh. Conveying feelings through words is so difficult. ] No. I don't want to kill them. Them or anyone else.
[ Repeating that didn't change things much as nobody really believed him. With his eyes fixed on the liquid in the cup, Hibiki wonders if this time will be different. ]
Do you know what you could do for me, Hibiki-san? You can prove to me through actions that you aren't going to go back to your old ways and that you are making those steps to improve. Okay?
[She just wants him to feel like he can change if he wants to.]
I won't force you to change, but just know that if you decided not to... I couldn't trust you.
It is. [ It sounds plain and simple, but Hibiki doesn't want to overdo it. ] I will continue fight alongside you in order to protect others, though. If...that's alright.
I thought so. I tried to warn him when we met for the second time, but...I wasn't clear enough. No, I didn't want to be clear enough. At first I was thinking of myself, but as the time passed I realized that I don't want to hurt him. It was inevitable, though.
[ Hibiki sighs softly, mustering up a dry smile. ]
I was thinking that maybe sometimes we hide the truth to protect others...yet, it just sounds like a terrible excuse.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2017-10-29 05:13 am (UTC)[She sips her tea slowly.]
no subject
Date: 2017-10-29 06:42 pm (UTC)[ Everyone's been really good to him and as much as he'd like to stay friends...it's just selfish. Assassin's wishes do not matter in the first place. Well, they shouldn't matter. ]
It's been quite some time since I've done it, to be quite honest. First and foremost, I am a captain and a secretary. But I have to admit that shortly before coming here...I was considering...no, I made my mind to kill someone.
[ Perhaps he should add that it was to protect someone else, but Hibiki doesn't want to give excuses. That's not the point. Also, that's not the answer to Haru's question. ]
Do you really think that someone like me can change? Even if I want it...?
no subject
Date: 2017-10-29 07:13 pm (UTC)How badly do you want it? Enough to forget you ever wanted to kill someone? Enough to make an actual attempt to change?
[She is willing to give Hibiki another chance if he can just move forward. Help to make her feel better about this decision in general.]
no subject
Date: 2017-10-29 07:28 pm (UTC)[ Repeating that didn't change things much as nobody really believed him. With his eyes fixed on the liquid in the cup, Hibiki wonders if this time will be different. ]
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Date: 2017-11-02 04:03 am (UTC)[She wants to believe him so terribly. She doesn't wish to distance herself from him. It would be like losing one of her closest friends at home.]
If I choose to believe you, and you break my trust...
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Date: 2017-11-02 02:16 pm (UTC)[ A weak smile spans over his lips. Being repeatedly told that his true purpose is to become an emotionless killer has taken its toll on him. ]
I've broken your trust already once, Haru-san. I'd rather not repeat this again. If there's anything I could do to convince you, I'll do it.
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Date: 2017-11-04 03:05 am (UTC)[She just wants him to feel like he can change if he wants to.]
I won't force you to change, but just know that if you decided not to... I couldn't trust you.
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Date: 2017-11-04 06:16 pm (UTC)[ He's lost. Of course, he can promise that he's not going to kill anybody, but would that be enough? No. ]
I'll do anything. I don't want to lose a friend.
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Date: 2017-11-07 07:21 pm (UTC)[She's trying to stay calm.]
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Date: 2017-11-08 09:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-11-09 04:53 am (UTC)[And AKira of course.]
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Date: 2017-11-10 04:58 pm (UTC)[ There's no way he could leave Haru alone. Especially not after she decided to believe in him. ]
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Date: 2017-11-11 05:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-11-11 06:39 am (UTC)[ Hibiki sighs softly and puts the cup away. ]
How is he...?
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Date: 2017-11-12 02:23 am (UTC)[She isn't going to lie about that. Akira was pretty shaken by the time he arrived at her place.]
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Date: 2017-11-12 09:11 pm (UTC)[ Hibiki sighs softly, mustering up a dry smile. ]
I was thinking that maybe sometimes we hide the truth to protect others...yet, it just sounds like a terrible excuse.
no subject
Date: 2017-11-16 04:36 am (UTC)[She shakes her head, disapproving.]
Next time, honesty. That will get you many more places.