[tired, for sure. a deep, deep exhaustion that is more akin to a burnout than not, but also there's a kind of sense of balance to things that hasn't been there... well, since she's Buddy Bonded with him, ever. like someone recovering from getting a broken bone healed wrong rebroken and healed correctly.
there's some hesitation and wanting to be able to help, almost desperately so because he just relates to so much of what's been said. old loneliness and self-incriminating fear just there to remind him how it used to feel, but they're weak, no power to them. nothing behind them anymore.
most importantly, love and affection and a want to protect and stay with Haru in this moment--make things better for her, for them. they really just get more intense the further she goes there.]
[ She returns the exhaustion, whole heartedly. She hasn't really slept a wink or stopped thinking or really let her emotions boil over out of the pot that they are in.
He can probably feel her struggle to keep them contained. It's stressful and she is stressed and how does she properly tell Joker what she is feeling.
...but she's quickly soothed by the affection. She loves Joker a lot, and that feeling is certainly shining through. ]
[ ...the pot figuratively boils over at this point. A lot of fear and insecurity coming through. Is she good enough? Was she able to keep herself in check for Fox's sake. Will North hate her for not being there for her enough?
All of it amounts to inadequacy, and fear of what she is capable of.
What if she hurts someone again? What if she had run into North in that house?
Those feelings, plus her consistent in-team stress....
It's just....so much. And this was barely scratching the surface ]
[o-oof. these are things he's familiar with, braced for to some degree. reassurance and affection and encouragement quick to surge forward as he pulls her in closer, kisses her while murmuring quiet words of support--that's it, it's okay, just let it all out.]
[ She's not used to just letting her feelings run free like this. At least not through buddy bond. It's one thing to tell someone you feel bad and leave it at that. It's another for someone to actually experience it.
As much as she should know better. Feelings of doubting herself come to the surface. Did she really deserve anything that Joker was giving her right now? Will he keep loving her? Will Fox or North get tired of her? Were any of them willing to be patient and work through things with Prim as they happen? Betrayal not only intensified these feelings, it made them linger.
The anxiety from the game tower returns too, buzzing about her head. And now being inflicted on Joker. But he hasn't told her to stop? Why? ]
and, in fact, that feeling only seems to grow as he feels her trying to let those feelings out. Joker's always been more of a tactile person than a vocal one, so it's just easier for him to express it more through using his free hand to take hold of her chin so he can kiss her more solidly. soundly. not pressuring or needy but just simple and there.
because he's still there, and he'll still be there. he's not going anywhere. he could never get tired of her. never]
[ And she loves him just as much, maybe a little more.
Her doubt is easily squashed by the love and attention. But feeling so many things at once causes tears again. How long has it been since she's had an earnest cry? The game tower didn't count. That was out of being incredibly overwhelmed. But she's never overwhelmed with Joker in her presence. She knows he's trying to help.
Her lips press solid against his. She needs that physical rock right now. To help ground her. ]
[he's trying best he knows how, which is admittedly not great or much but. her crying just makes him want to kiss away the tears so much--but rather than that, it's more important that she lets them flow. so he lifts a hand to cup her cheek, keeping up the physical reminder that he's here with her, he may be tired but he's got energy and room enough to take on whatever else she has still locked up.]
[ Eventually she breaks the kiss, but not the Buddy Bond. She's weepy, sure, but the look she gives him is one of adoration. Of love. Of appreciation for being here to comfort her right now. ]
I'm really enough, right?
[ Her wings flutter a little. Heart absolutely pounding out of her chest. ]
[it gets a flash of confusion because he thinks it's pretty self-evident? but then he just smiles and... so much... fond affection love. his own wings flare up a bit in response while his tail lashes]
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branchandroot
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:04 am (UTC)[it's a joke but also like... for real though.
stroking fingers through her hair.]
I'm not afraid of you, either.
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:06 am (UTC)[ ...and that thought catches up to her. ]
I pre-planned your entire death and you aren't afraid?
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:07 am (UTC)Probably a little messed up. But that sort of pre-planning's a little comforting.
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:09 am (UTC)I knew we had to finish it, in my head. Since your unitmate interrupted us the first time.
[ Curling in a little tighter. ]
But it gives me pause that I was able to even go through with it. Maybe because I didn't think I was capable.
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:13 am (UTC)[it definitely wouldn't have been]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:16 am (UTC)[ She really wants to stop feeling so...down. ]
That is...mm, this place just won't let you stay dead. You can suffer and suffer and suffer.....and you just won't stay dead even if you die.
[ Which is why Prim made some, choices, but more on that later. ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:19 am (UTC)There's no helping that aspect of it, but... I think... we can determine for ourselves how we spend our time during the mess of it.
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:21 am (UTC)[ Nuzzling herself under her chin to hide her face for a moment. ]
I think, I just need to cope. Even if the method is unhealthy.
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:22 am (UTC)Tell me what you need?
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 01:24 am (UTC)[ ....smooch the neck. ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 02:07 am (UTC)Ah, there's an easy solution to that, then.
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 02:22 am (UTC)Mm? There is?
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 02:28 am (UTC)[at least... not with him.
and ugh. feathered wings are so pretty on herrrr. times to pet feathers smooth]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 02:34 am (UTC)[ But, at the suggestion. She will press her body against his even more and hurl them both into Buddy Bond.
How is boyfriend feeling? ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 02:40 am (UTC)there's some hesitation and wanting to be able to help, almost desperately so because he just relates to so much of what's been said. old loneliness and self-incriminating fear just there to remind him how it used to feel, but they're weak, no power to them. nothing behind them anymore.
most importantly, love and affection and a want to protect and stay with Haru in this moment--make things better for her, for them. they really just get more intense the further she goes there.]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 02:55 am (UTC)He can probably feel her struggle to keep them contained. It's stressful and she is stressed and how does she properly tell Joker what she is feeling.
...but she's quickly soothed by the affection. She loves Joker a lot, and that feeling is certainly shining through. ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 03:37 am (UTC)It's okay. You don't have to hold back with me.
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 03:44 am (UTC)All of it amounts to inadequacy, and fear of what she is capable of.
What if she hurts someone again? What if she had run into North in that house?
Those feelings, plus her consistent in-team stress....
It's just....so much. And this was barely scratching the surface ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 03:47 am (UTC)Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 03:52 am (UTC)As much as she should know better. Feelings of doubting herself come to the surface. Did she really deserve anything that Joker was giving her right now? Will he keep loving her? Will Fox or North get tired of her? Were any of them willing to be patient and work through things with Prim as they happen? Betrayal not only intensified these feelings, it made them linger.
The anxiety from the game tower returns too, buzzing about her head. And now being inflicted on Joker. But he hasn't told her to stop? Why? ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 04:05 am (UTC)and, in fact, that feeling only seems to grow as he feels her trying to let those feelings out. Joker's always been more of a tactile person than a vocal one, so it's just easier for him to express it more through using his free hand to take hold of her chin so he can kiss her more solidly. soundly. not pressuring or needy but just simple and there.
because he's still there, and he'll still be there. he's not going anywhere. he could never get tired of her. never]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 04:09 am (UTC)Her doubt is easily squashed by the love and attention. But feeling so many things at once causes tears again. How long has it been since she's had an earnest cry? The game tower didn't count. That was out of being incredibly overwhelmed. But she's never overwhelmed with Joker in her presence. She knows he's trying to help.
Her lips press solid against his. She needs that physical rock right now. To help ground her. ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 04:47 am (UTC)Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 04:56 am (UTC)I'm really enough, right?
[ Her wings flutter a little. Heart absolutely pounding out of her chest. ]
Re: Day 156
Date: 2019-09-30 05:26 am (UTC)More than enough.
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