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mapsio

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From:

criminaljustice

... are you scared of me?

From:

mapsio

No, I'm not scared of you.

From:

criminaljustice

Then why are you scared of yourself? Of what you're capable of? We're capable of the same things.

From:

mapsio

[ ... ]

I...don't know? Because what if I want to explore that side, Joker?

From:

criminaljustice

Then I'll explore it with you. If you want to.

... remember how you said you wanted me to show that side? And how... I wanted to? But haven't?

[well. here's. why...]

From:

mapsio

[ Curling her fingers into the fabric of his shirt. ]

Were you afraid of that side? Even...then. I wasn't afraid of you.

From:

criminaljustice

... considering how that dance ended... you probably don't really have much reason to be afraid.

[it's a joke but also like... for real though.

stroking fingers through her hair.]

I'm not afraid of you, either.

Edited Date: 2019-09-30 01:04 am (UTC)

From:

mapsio

I was going for gentle.

[ ...and that thought catches up to her. ]

I pre-planned your entire death and you aren't afraid?

From:

criminaljustice

[l-laughs]

Probably a little messed up. But that sort of pre-planning's a little comforting.

From:

mapsio

[ DONT LAUGH NERVOUSLY. ]

I knew we had to finish it, in my head. Since your unitmate interrupted us the first time.

[ Curling in a little tighter. ]

But it gives me pause that I was able to even go through with it. Maybe because I didn't think I was capable.

From:

criminaljustice

Keep in mind... we both knew that death wasn't permanent in that place. I think, if it was? It wouldn't have been... so easy to.

[it definitely wouldn't have been]

From:

mapsio

[ ... Reaching up to play with a lock of his hair. ]

[ She really wants to stop feeling so...down. ]

That is...mm, this place just won't let you stay dead. You can suffer and suffer and suffer.....and you just won't stay dead even if you die.

[ Which is why Prim made some, choices, but more on that later. ]

From:

criminaljustice

[reasons Joker didn't get too drastic while he was in the mirrors, tbqh. What If It Just Got Worse? was definitely a fear that stayed his hand.]

There's no helping that aspect of it, but... I think... we can determine for ourselves how we spend our time during the mess of it.

From:

mapsio

You're right.

[ Nuzzling herself under her chin to hide her face for a moment. ]

I think, I just need to cope. Even if the method is unhealthy.

From:

criminaljustice

[tilting his head so she can have more room for that.]

Tell me what you need?

From:

mapsio

To feel something other than fear.

[ ....smooch the neck. ]

From:

criminaljustice

[definitely not fear at that. and he lets his hands go to her back, feeling along her wings]

Ah, there's an easy solution to that, then.

From:

mapsio

[ ....nodding. Letting her wings spread out for him. ]

Mm? There is?

From:

criminaljustice

You haven't used Buddy Bond in a while, right?

[at least... not with him.

and ugh. feathered wings are so pretty on herrrr. times to pet feathers smooth]

From:

mapsio

....not in a long time.

[ But, at the suggestion. She will press her body against his even more and hurl them both into Buddy Bond.

How is boyfriend feeling? ]

From:

criminaljustice

[tired, for sure. a deep, deep exhaustion that is more akin to a burnout than not, but also there's a kind of sense of balance to things that hasn't been there... well, since she's Buddy Bonded with him, ever. like someone recovering from getting a broken bone healed wrong rebroken and healed correctly.

there's some hesitation and wanting to be able to help, almost desperately so because he just relates to so much of what's been said. old loneliness and self-incriminating fear just there to remind him how it used to feel, but they're weak, no power to them. nothing behind them anymore.

most importantly, love and affection and a want to protect and stay with Haru in this moment--make things better for her, for them. they really just get more intense the further she goes there.]

From:

mapsio

[ She returns the exhaustion, whole heartedly. She hasn't really slept a wink or stopped thinking or really let her emotions boil over out of the pot that they are in.

He can probably feel her struggle to keep them contained. It's stressful and she is stressed and how does she properly tell Joker what she is feeling.

...but she's quickly soothed by the affection. She loves Joker a lot, and that feeling is certainly shining through. ]

From:

criminaljustice

[kissing her scarred cheek, encouragement coming through]

It's okay. You don't have to hold back with me.

From:

mapsio

[ ...the pot figuratively boils over at this point. A lot of fear and insecurity coming through. Is she good enough? Was she able to keep herself in check for Fox's sake. Will North hate her for not being there for her enough?

All of it amounts to inadequacy, and fear of what she is capable of.

What if she hurts someone again? What if she had run into North in that house?

Those feelings, plus her consistent in-team stress....

It's just....so much. And this was barely scratching the surface ]

From:

criminaljustice

[o-oof. these are things he's familiar with, braced for to some degree. reassurance and affection and encouragement quick to surge forward as he pulls her in closer, kisses her while murmuring quiet words of support--that's it, it's okay, just let it all out.]